


Smile

by cheeky_blinders



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 21:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20495930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheeky_blinders/pseuds/cheeky_blinders
Summary: Contains: Mention of drug overdose, suicide, and heavy drinking





	Smile

What makes Tommy Shelby smile? Honestly, at this point in his life, there really is no reason to smile. Maybe if Charlie or Ruby gives him a drawing to hang up in his office, he might smile when he glances at that. But then he’ll remember Grace and the smile falls because fuck, he misses her so much. Grace had a way of quieting Tommy’s mind and what he would not give for her to be here once more. 

Sometimes Tommy will smile when he’s around the horses. Horses have always been a favorite of Tommy’s because these animals don’t judge. They don’t care that Tommy has fucked up so many times it would take a lifetime to count them all. These horses don’t care that Tommy held dying men in his arms or that he gets drunk every night to deal with the pain of being lonely. No, these animals only see him as someone to give them attention, and Tommy sees them as a source of comfort.

Lonely. That’s what Thomas Shelby feels. It’s why he drowns the feelings in alcohol and morphine. Because it’s easier to feel numb than it is to feel lonely. Sometimes Grace comes to him in those morphine states, reaching out her hand for Tommy to take. Once he reached out to take her hand only to realize he stuck his hand into the roaring fire before him. 

The number of times that Tommy had thought about ending it. Ending it all. Put a bullet through his own head. It was supposed to be painless, wasn’t it? Or perhaps a drug overdose where he could just slip off into the welcoming arms of death. Tommy has seriously considered this but there’s something that always stops him.

Once it was Charlie, running through that minefield. Tommy didn’t think when he heard his son call for him. Tommy just ran and ran and ran until he grabbed Charlie and picked the boy up. The boy was innocent as always, not knowing what his father had just considered doing. Charlie was just happy to have his father play with him for a moment.

So, what was left now for Tommy in this life? His wife was gone, he was dealing with the slimeball Mosely and now these Billy Boys. Tommy knew who they were. Despite being in politics now, he still kept his ear to the ground and listened. When Tommy was told about Gold and Arthur blowing up the Gypsy camp, Tommy knew instantly it would be war.

He wasn’t nervous though. 

Tommy had all the cards he needed in his hand. He had fought in France, facing enemies far worse than some fucking group who sang everywhere they went. Tommy would be ready when they came. He had a plan. Tommy knew he would win this fight because nobody could steal his crown or his throne.

That was what made Thomas Shelby smile. The thought of knowing he was going to win.


End file.
